First Date Series,  Lighter

Crashing Weddings and Prostituting

Once, in college, I went to a fraternity event in Portland as this frat bros date. We were staying in a hotel, and at one point drinking in a suite that had an adjoining door to another suite. Given that this was a fraternity event, we were drinking a TON and ready to party BRO.

Well, after a few cocktails I decided to aggressively bang my fist on the door until someone answered because I heard music on the other side of the door and decided I wanted — no, I NEEDED — to blend our parties. So some man answers, and he’s holding a Korean beer I’ve never heard of. He’s in a suit. Looks like these people are getting down, too. I’m holding a bottle of Bombay sapphire and wearing a short little number to impress my frat bro date. We say hello, laugh, exchange drinks, and he invites us in. But when we walked into the room, there was a full on wedding reception going on. Like a bride and groom and their wedding party sitting at a head table (not exaggerating, these people had gotten a full on table into this hotel room suite?), a massive buffet table complete with a little George Foreman mini grill and sizzling meat and rows of delicious food that my drunk ass did not hesitate to help myself to. There was music, there were people dancing and drinking, it was a legit wedding, and it was all happening in the hotel suite next to ours. Pretty dope little venue, I guess.

So we unintentionally crashed this Korean wedding, and my date and his friends are talking to the men while myself and some other girl whom I can’t remember now are talking to the bride and her friends… literally sitting with them at the head table. She kept asking us all about the wedding night (I think, but there were some communication barriers due to alcohol and language), which was kind of weird but like hey, I’m drinking your beer and eating your food, and celebrating your wedding so I guess we’re all friends here, sure girl what questions do you have about sex!

Anyway, the next morning we ran into the groom in the hotel lobby. We exchanged pleasantries and when he walked away my date said, “oh. I forgot to tell you. He thought you two were hookers. They kept asking how much we paid for you.” He also mentioned trying to convince them otherwise, but I guess yo girl just used to look like an escort in some heels and a dress! So we laughed and laughed at the classic mix up, it was the best time.

3 Comments

  • Bradford's Jeff

    Hey Jenna,

    Here’s the character piece I promised you. Come by anytime.

    Beatrice Switch – (nickname Beatrash)

    Sex Positive – though she’s never satisfied with the sex she has with her husband
    Overtly negative to men & openly dismissive and sometimes snotty to women
    Extremely vain, and secretly suffers from feelings of unimportance
    and always dressed to the T’s with fake blond hair
    Married for money and now feels unloved and under-valued by both her 2 kids and husband of 14 years
    Spends her days at yoga or with her personal trainer, never with her kids
    She makes others feel that she is better than they are, though she suffers from feeling of unimportance
    She likes cats, but hates dogs
    She’s never been to church and knows nothing about religion
    FAMILY & HOMELIFE
    Beatrice is the baby in her family – she is highly selfish
    Never went to college – married at the age of twenty-three
    She was a high school cheerleader
    Comes from a broken home, had an unhappy childhood, hates her parents
    She hates her siblings, and dislikes her parents
    She is a neat freak with a maid
    Her husband spends all his time golfing cause he secretly can’t stand her
    She lives in the lap of luxury
    She never cooks and she never cleans, but she always complains
    She frequently yells at her family and body shames them in front of other people
    She regularly talks bad about her husband & pushes her kids to win at all costs
    HER DARKEST SECRETS
    Beatrice enjoys watching others fail
    She wishes she was an actress instead of a mother
    She is a disloyal friend to everyone and anyone
    She has a terrible body image
    She grew up in a trailer

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